I've been at my current job for nearly 5 years. Considering the scope of my employment history prior to, this is somewhat of an unexpected, if not remarkable accomplishment. As you will soon learn, my ability to stick with one employer in past years would have been best described as "Kardashian". My work-whoring in my younger days may have led to a lot of paycheck promiscuity, but it also left me with a wealth of varied skills and lasting memories. I'll spare you the juicy details of gigs past, but I will give you a casual glimpse at every job I've ever held, starting with the story of how I landed my very first one...
October, 1997:
The Simpsons had become the longest-running prime-time animated series of all-time, people were still using Web Crawler as a search engine, Joel Schumacher had recently finished ruining the Batman franchise, and I had just celebrated my 16th birthday. With this milestone (my birthday, not The Simpsons' run) came the ability to obtain a work permit in Baltimore City. I wanted nothing more than to work and save money to buy what every 16-year old boy at the time desired more than anything - a PlayStation. My cousin, a former employee, pulled some strings and helped me land a job working weekend nights as a sandwich maker at a nearby Wendy's. I was able to convince my sister to loan me the money for the PlayStation if I agreed to pay her back in installments from my food service wages.
Unfortunately, my end of this contract was never fulfilled.
Three weeks after my first day, Wendy's and I parted ways.
Two weeks into my tenure, I was inexplicably asked to work not only weekdays, but weekday mornings and daytime shifts. You keen-eyed readers might be able to see the difficulty of a 16 year-old working a daytime shift during the week and attending high school full time. I was forced to quit - keeping my grease-stained uniform in protest.
If you're wondering about the PlayStation, I ended up getting it, but only repaying a fraction of the loan. Maybe I should write my sister a check. Ehhh. With any luck, she doesn't remember it and won't read this anyway. You know what, I'll just write myself a reminder to delete this paragraph altogether when editing.
My experience at Wendy's led to a long, unusual pattern of employment that carried on for the next 10 years. Every summer afterward, I would put on nice clothes, hop on the #3 bus and head to the Harbor to "pound the pavement". I'd fill out tons of applications at all the retailers in the Gallery, all the restaurants in the Pavilion, at the Science Center, at the Aquarium, everywhere. I would also take the same bus in the opposite direction and poke around Towson Town Center, applying at all the "cool" stores where kids my age made sneaker and date money during the summer.
The result of all my ambition and determination: sitting on the couch all day and night during those summers playing that PlayStation.
I don't know why I never received so much as a call-back from places like the Gap or Foot Locker, but I was able to land some random short-term employment nonetheless. The following is my complete work history, with a bit of commentary only to keep it from totally looking like a resume:
- Oct - Nov 97: Wendy's; "Sandwich Maker" - I didn't step foot in another Wendy's until 2003.
- Summer 98: Oriole Park at Camden Yards; "Lemonade Salesman" - I still have nightmares about carrying those heavy trays of lemonade up the stairs... to the nosebleeds... in the middle of the summer.
- Fall 98: Ravens Stadium (As it was called at the time); "Hot Chocolate Salesman" - I worked one game, I'm not even sure I got paid. Oh, and the hot chocolate tasted like Penzoil. I'm just sayin'...
- April 99: AGRA Capital; "Telemarketer" - The reason I don't hang up on telemarketers to this day. They're people too...sometimes.
- Oct 99: Kensington School(PA); "GED Math Tutor" - Mind you, the highest grade I received in math in high school was a C+.
- Dec 99 - Jan 00: Aisle 3; "Men's Department Associate" - ...and I STILL can't fold a shirt properly. I actually own one of these...and use it daily.
- Jun 00: Warehouse in Hunt Valley; "Box Assembler" - You read that correctly, BOX ASSEMBLER. Interestingly enough, the warehouse caught fire before I arrived for my second day. My alibi checked out, I swear.
- Oct 00 - May 01: Temple University, Johnson & Hardwick Hall; "Mail Room Clerk" - Not a bad job, actually.
- Jun 01: Vector Marketing; "Cutco Knives Salesman" - This link should sum it up. All I'll say is that my tenure here ended with my mother nearly throwing a stapler at my boss. True(ish) story.
- Jul 01: Another Unnamed Hunt Valley Warehouse; "Spooler" - For 8 hours a day, I literally rolled coaxial cable onto a 10ft spool.
- Summer 02: Timonium Sunoco; "Attendant" - Easily the best job I held prior to finishing college. I learned a lot about cigarettes, incidentally.
- June 03: Celebrity Cruise Lines; "Security Guard" - I wasn't even given a flashlight. If a girl scout with a bad attitude started some trouble, I would have been powerless to stop her.
- Sep 03 - Aug 04: Social Security (PA); "Claims Representative" - The springboard to my current position. I was too young and naive at the time to play my hand a bit better here.
- Sep 04: Unnamed Georgia Warehouse (GA); "Grunt" - Cleaning out the warehouse of an electrical supply company, this was the best of my warehouse jobs - and lasting two weeks, was also my longest.
- Oct 04 - Jul 05: Deeply Rooted Salon (GA); "Everyman" - My "Wendy's Cousin" owns the place. That job helped keep Candi and I afloat during our first stint in Georgia.
- Nov 04 - Feb 05: Office Max (GA); "Sales Associate" - As much as I hated their advertising campaign, I took the job out of desperation. At least I learned to operate the register.
- Mar 05 - Mar 07: Carmax (Kennesaw, GA, White Marsh, MD, Norcross, GA); "Inventory Associate, Detailer, Wholesale Coordinator" - The day I hit 12 months at Carmax, it became my longest-tenured job. I worked at three stores in two states in a two-year span.
- Jul 07 - Present: Social Security; "Claims Authorizer" - The job that currently pays the bills that make it possible for me to own and power a computer and access the internet - allowing me to publish this post... and visit The Chive.
If you're scoring at home, that's 20 positions, 17 employers, 3 states, in 10 years (up to the start of my current position). That's how you fill a stat sheet, ladies and gentlemen.
I'll end this post by saying that my experiences have given me the utmost respect for all the hard-working, blue-collar American laborers out there - people who assemble boxes, spool cable, detail cars, guard cruise ships, clean-out warehouses, and perform other labor-intensive tasks, not to scrape up cash to buy frivolities such as PlayStations and Nikes, but to support families. The time I spent working alongside them all those years is what helps gives me the proper perspective to be grateful for and happy with the desk job I go to every day, and every red cent I earn from it.
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I still have the CONTRACT YOU SIGNED.
ReplyDeleteMom
Impressive work history!! lol Eventhough I am still wondering if that fire was just coincidence! ;) Good luck on your current JOB!!
ReplyDeleteI've known you for almost 12 years & only remember like 3 of these gigs. Good grief!
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